Love broken-marriage

Published on April 4th, 2013 | by Peggy

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Can I trust him?

Dear Peggy,

My husband had an affair and we are on the road to recovery. He is having a hard time letting go of the third party because it was a friendship before it turned into something else. He recently learned that this third party has a failing liver because of drinking her whole life and now feels he needs to support her as a friend would. I do believe he has no further feelings of romantic attraction.  I don’t want him to have anything to do with her. He thinks I am being a bad person by not trusting him and not letting him help a friend in need.
He is not wanting to stop contact with her or another friend I believe was trouble. I have cried and threatened (which are not productive I know) and tried to tell him that they can’t be in his life if he wants our relationship to flourish again but he just doesn’t get it. What should I do next?

Signed,

Ma Phelps

Dear Ma Phelps,

When I first started reading your letter, I thought, maybe your hubby was just being caring…until you mentioned there was another friend you suspected was trouble.  That was a huge red flag for me.

In my opinion, you have a cheater on your hands.  That’s not to say he doesn’t love you, he probably does.  But he has little regard for your feelings and comfort level where your relationship is concerned.  If he cared how you felt, instead of how his lady friends did, he wouldn’t even consider spending time with these women, no matter what the circumstances happen to be.

Sit him down, tell him one last time what your terms are for your relationship moving forward.  What you can live with and what you cannot.  Ask him what his terms of the relationship are as well.  If you can’t find some sort of compromise or at the very least something you can both live with, that’s a deep rooted problem.  Get him to give you a firm answer as to what his intentions are then take it from there.

If he says he’s going to continue to see these women, your relationship is over.  If he decides to cut them loose…you have years ahead rebuilding the trust you have lost.

I wish you the best…because sometimes we forget, that’s exactly what we deserve.  Good luck.

 

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I'm a mother, daughter, wife, blogger, advice columnist, friend and foe. I have a closet full of cute coats, a heart full of laughter and a pocket full of common sense. I love my kids, my boots and my liquor on the rocks. What else do you need to know? Have a question or comment? Contact me!



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